What to Do When Love Explodes and You Can’t Restore It (Part 3)

We looked previously at what to do when a relationship explodes and you can’t restore it.

But what happens when finding peace proves impossible?

Some years ago I had a friendship completely melt down with deep hurts on both sides.  Yet, we saw each other regularly because of circumstances we couldn’t avoid.

I tried to reconcile the relationship but this friend was having none of it.  Often my attempts were met with rejection or sometimes retaliation.  This would then elicit somewhat less than exemplary reactions from me.

There were times I would see him and say hi only to have him turn around and walk away without response.

Sometimes I could separate myself from him physically.  I just avoided him and that worked pretty well.

If I couldn’t avoid him I’d mentally separate telling myself it didn’t matter.  That worked often too.

Then he’d blind side me with something new that would leave me stunned for a day or two.

No matter what I tried I just couldn’t find a place of peace in the relationship.

Occasionally, that caused me to doubt myself and wonder “What’s wrong with me?”  There’s probably a couple of people I know who wouldn’t mind answering that.

I finally learned a secret though that unleashed the peace.

I came back to resting in God’s love and discovered several surprises.

First, the pain subsided. 

Instead of playing it over in my mind I was able to find peace finally.

And I was able to offer that peace back to that friend.  I don’t believe the relationship will ever be restored.  Yet, I could live in peace and offer that gift whether accepted or not.

Second, I could focus again on the love I do have, that from my family and friends.

Instead of being fixated on this broken relationship I filled up on my loving relationships.

This helped me love those around me again.  It brought life back to love relationships I enjoy.

Third, I felt God’s love and presence.

In my darkest times I sense God’s presence and love the most.  When I feel the most hurt and alone I feel him with me the clearest.

That rebuilds in me that love that’s been crushed.  I start reaching out sharing that love and suddenly find my life filled with love all over again.

It’s what Jesus prayed on his last night with his disciples before he was arrested.

As they finished their meal he prayed, “Father you are in me and I am in you.  Make these, my friends, part of us as well.”

He offers that to us also.

So how can you find that place of comfort and peace in God’s love?

There’s really no magic formula.  It simply comes down to first asking for it.  Simply saying, “God I want to be your child.  I want to live with you.  I want to know your love.”

And if you’ve prayed that before then simply ask, “God remind me of your love.  Help me to feel it and sense your presence right now.”

Second, rest in his love.

Remember that he promised it.  Remember the moments you’ve felt it before.  Tune your heart to feel it again.

Third, remind yourself of his love whenever you feel alone.

Think of the promises of his love.  That nothing can ever separate you from him.  Nothing you can do will ever cause you to stop being loved by him.  Nothing will ever take you away from his presence with you.

Then feel his presence.  Know he’s there and that you’re loved.

Jesus then said to his disciples, “The Father loves you because you have loved me and believed I came from him.”

When we focus on Jesus’ love it fills us with a love that never fails.  And it brings us peace when a loving relationship explodes and peace seems impossible.

*John 17: 21; John 16: 27

Photo Credit: Uditha Wickramanayaka; Creative Commons